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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620051">The Hollow Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teddy_Feathers/pseuds/Teddy_Feathers'>Teddy_Feathers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Any sufficiently advanced anxiety is indistinguishable from magic, Asexual Character, Depression, Grey-Aromantic, Idk what i'm exploring here but i've got a good start, M/M, Multi, Self-Indulgent, Transman Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:20:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teddy_Feathers/pseuds/Teddy_Feathers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Transman Guy is swept into the lives of a household of skeletons, many of whom are right off the bat overly friendly. He doesn't know why, or why it seems like that in and of itself is part of an on going argument with his new friends. All he knows is that if they think he's going to return any of their affections.... they're going to be waiting a very long time. IF its even possible.</p><p>They don't seem to mind that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Papyrus (Undertale)/Original Male Character(s), Sans (Undertale)/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Some thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cleaning out my drafts of some self indulgent shit. </p>
<p>UT Sans: Classic<br/>UT Papyrus: Creampuff<br/>Swap Sans: Blue<br/>Swap Papyrus: Stretch<br/>Fell Sans: Red<br/>Fell Papyrus: Edge<br/>SF Sans: Black<br/>SF Papyrus: Squire<br/>HT Sans: Sans<br/>HT Papyurs: Papyrus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Its not that... he's clueless or even immune to their charms. </p>
<p>When Black put a possessive hand on his waist, it sent a little thrill through him. Squire has been teasing with not-kisses since they met...</p>
<p>Its just so different from what he's used to that it doesn't really bother him. </p>
<p>No pressure, no crossing the line from flirting to expectations or jealousy - no using friendship as a shoe in for something more. </p>
<p>It never mattered if he ended up in a compromising position - if Blue straddled his lap and nuzzled his face into his chest and took a nap right there - because no one ever made him regret how easily platonic affection had spilled over into something that could be mistaken for something more. </p>
<p>Sans had made his interest clear from the beginning but had never pushed, never asked for more than he had it in him to give or took his willingness to try things as an invitation to assume...anything really.</p>
<p>Even Edge never gave him a hard time over his occasional need to do something with his hands, just lending a willing back so he could practice giving a skeleton a massage until Edge grew tired or he stopped being restless. Edge had done more than allow it, he had explained where to start, how to apply pressure on skeleton bones, and the difference between massaging them and fondling them. </p>
<p>On the other side of the coin Stretch always seemed to be touching him when he had an excuse. Pressed against him, hanging off him, holding his hand and giving him the sweetest smiles for it.</p>
<p>The few times someone had crossed his boundaries it was put behind them and he was able to continue without this soft intimacy being ruined. </p>
<p>...Intimacy. </p>
<p>The word alone should send him running. But what else to call it when Red pulled him into his lap and immediately tucked his hand under his shirt and into the waistband of his pants, just so his hand could splay out over his lower stomach like a personal heating pad when it decided to hurt?</p>
<p>When Classic turned up on the odd rainy night to lay in bed with him and talk to him in low tones about serious matters wrapped in nonsense and philosophical questions that built up into jokes that wouldn't be funny except - except they were both exhausted and glad with quiet but <em>fierce</em> desperation to not be alone.</p>
<p>It wasn't sexual, it wasn't romantic, and that wasn't him being naive. It <em>could</em> have easily become either but... it was just intimate. </p>
<p>Dates between friends, so Creampuff could do all the fun things one did as a couple - without having to worry about hurting someones feelings or going alone. He could and did share some of those activities with his rather large group of friends, but it was nice to share those moments with another person and know he understood what exactly they were sharing and what they were <em>not.</em></p>
<p>Papyrus too liked to spoil people. He wanted to lavish the people he loved with attention and gifts and grand gestures.... If there was anyone it was impossible not to fall at least a little in love with it was Papyrus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It begins like this:</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It begins like this: Guy sitting in a busy Mcdonalds during lunch having already been there for quite some time. Computer out, headphones on.</p>
<p>Lost in his own world when someone intended to say something to him. He didn't understand it of course, but he slipped the headset onto his neck and the man - Monster, head and shoulders taller even not standing up straight, orange hoodie, skull face - calmly repeated his question. </p>
<p>"So, its a bit busy in here, mind if we sit with you?" At his side was a smaller skull faced monster, smiling by default, and he of course smiled back on reflex and started packing up his things. </p>
<p>"Oh yeah of course let me just -"</p>
<p>"Very gracious of you huma-"</p>
<p>"nah, stay, we don't mind sharing if you don't."</p>
<p>Guy blinks rapidly in confusion, and his friend also looks baffled, but tall and friendly slides into the booth next to him and he scoots closer to the wall to make room.</p>
<p>"Name's Stretch."</p>
<p>"Oh right - I'm uh Guy."</p>
<p>More slowly the other slides across from them, looking at his friend like Stretch is doing something weirdly out of character before turning his sockets - dark like Stretch except two bright blue lights that moved like eyes to focus on Guy's face. "And I am the Magnificent Blue."</p>
<p>He sounds about as awkward as Guy feels and he takes the hand - leather over bone it felt like, but what had he expected? - and gives it a firm shake before letting go. "Well its magnificent to meet you... Both." He adds belatedly looking to the side at Stretch who was lolling his head onto a propped hand as he watched the two of them interact. </p>
<p>Blue seemed to at least brighten at his friendly response, but that was about as social as he knew how to be, and Guy finished scooting his laptop into the corner by the table and goes ahead and saves what he was working on feeling very much like he should have taken his chance and left. </p>
<p>"So whatcha up to there buddy?" Buddy? That felt. Well. It was just small talk. </p>
<p>"Just some... Stuff."</p>
<p>Looking amused as Guy fumbled the verbal hot potato right out the gate, Stretch repeats. "Stuff?"</p>
<p>Guy nods and looks away, grabbing his now extraordinarily interesting drink - how long have the straws here had stripes? - "Mmm," He agrees taking a drink and then reluctantly putting the cup back. "and things." </p>
<p>Blue across him snorts. "Stars Stretch, leave him alone."</p>
<p>There were many ways to take that, but Guy flashed him a grin and Blue rolled those lights around his sockets and grinned back - an actual movement of the teeth differentiating from his resting smile face.  </p>
<p>Stretch doesn't seem to take offense, slumping back into the bench and looking for all the world like he was going to take a nap. </p>
<p>Guy turns back to his work and exits out of the music he had playing, shoving away his headphones before beginning to hesitantly go back to typing. </p>
<p>"Ah, Blue, Stretch and uh... Human! I see you have requisitioned a table!" Another fairly tall Monster stood at the end table, a cozy shoulder drooping sweater over a tanktop that didn't hide that he was a full on skeleton too. </p>
<p>"This is Guy Creampuff, he was kind enough to share his table with us." Blue offers still not sounding happy about it but nice enough to introduce him all the same, and Guy shoots the new person a peace sign.</p>
<p>"Oh I see," Creampuff said, though his sockets were as empty as Stretches. "your brother made another human friend." </p>
<p>Without opening his sockets, Stretch says "Yep." Guy was starting to feel like he'd been dragged into some sort of ongoing family fight.</p>
<p>"If its a problem I could just-"</p>
<p>"-Nope." Stretch cuts him off and when staring at the not sleeping Monster renders no further explanation, Guy reluctantly turns back to his computer. </p>
<p>"Well then..." Yeah, even the new guy sounded like he thought this was all really weird. "Did you already order?"</p>
<p>In his peripherals, he sees Blue shake his head. "We decided to get here early to get a seat. Speaking of which - who's idea was it to let your brother pick the restaurant?"</p>
<p>A hand flaps out and Guys eyes flash up just in time to realize Creampuff was just making a dismissive gesture. "It was his turn, and anyways they don't carry Mcdogs anymore I checked."</p>
<p>Guy frowns back at his screen, and tries to keep typing but it was hard to focus, go figure. </p>
<p>"Thank the stars for that - oh look there's Black and Mutt."</p>
<p>"Well that's everyone - no one else could make it. Classic will be here when its least convenient, of course, so lets go order."</p>
<p>"Do you want the usual Stretch?" Blue gets a grunt in reply and he slides back out of the booth to go join the rest of their group at the counter. </p>
<p>It gets easier to type, easier to tune out the background noise when he wasn't stuck like an unnatural growth in the middle of their conversation. </p>
<p>"He's harmless, just so you know. We all are." Of course that meant Stretch was going to try and talk to him again. </p>
<p>"I know." Mercy Love and Compassion, that's what little monsters were made of. He was safer in the dead of night in a parking lot with any monster - no matter how scary - then in broad daylight at walmart after church let out. </p>
<p>He shrugged and something in Guy relaxed and the words he was typing came more freely. </p>
<p>"Oh hey Stretch, who's your friend?" The new voice, directly across from him made Guy jolt, badly startled, causing the new comer to laugh. "Sorry buddy, did i get the jump on you?"</p>
<p>Stretch had put a supporting hand on his shoulder - probably the only thing that kept him from ending up in the Monster's lap.</p>
<p>"Its fine, sorry, just a bit high strung." Which was an understatement. He'd already been fairly anxious, his background radiation of dread unusually high today and now he was in the middle of all this. Guy shifts and asks, "Hey do you mind if I uh-" gesturing out of the booth.</p>
<p>Stretch thankfully catches on and slides out, standing and offering naked, skeletal hand that Guy ignores as he hurries off to the bathroom. </p>
<p>The problem, he decided while washing his face with cool water, with being even a little psychic and lot anxious is there was no telling which was which when the warning bells went off. </p>
<p>Either way he should probably just go. Guy exists the bathroom, getting a weird look that he ignores with more ease than he feels, and heads back over to the table which was actually packed with uh... well a skeleton of Monsters.</p>
<p>Blue was back in the front corner across from his untouched computer, his brother slumped in front of the black screen. Beside him was Creampuff and... whatever his brother had been named across from him and the last pair facing each other were also arranged so it looked like the seating had been chosen tall vs small. </p>
<p>Bracing himself, he went over, "I uh. I just need my stuff if you could-" </p>
<p>He's addressing Stretch who had perked back up with his arrival, but its the 'small' closest to him that cuts him off. "And who are you?"</p>
<p>Taken back he answers the challenging tone reflexively. "Just some Guy, I didn't mean to -" </p>
<p>Creampuffs brother snickers, but no one comes to the rescue as perhaps the scariest person at the table cuts him off again. "Well 'some guy' it would be rude of you to leave before the introductions are complete - Squire, Capture the Human!"</p>
<p>At his command, two strong arms wrap around Guy's waist and pulls him back down against the a rib cage that the heavy soft coat does a good job hiding, and inbetween two legs so hes sitting just short of the edge of the bench. </p>
<p>Heart racing he just sits stunned as the trays of food are rearranged so that his laptop can be passed down and set in front of him as well. </p>
<p>A cordial kidnapping?</p>
<p>Squire - he guessed was the one holding him - lets him go just to more comfortably drape himself on Guy's back, one arm resting across his shoulders and the other patting his head like you would a small child. "S'fine, breathe." </p>
<p>Guy does so, having forgotten how to without prompting, and looks wild eyed over his laptop at the one who'd ordered his capture. </p>
<p>"Black lighten up, if the kid wants to go-"</p>
<p>"Hush Classic, I am making friends with the Human now - Human, you may address me as Black, and your captor today has been my brother Squire." For one wildly incredulous moment he thought Black was going to ask him to rate his satisfaction with the experience. The moment passes with another breath, and seeing as he had already sort of stated his intention, Guy offers the Monster his hand. "Um, hi I'm uh Guy?" </p>
<p>This handshake is over as fast as the last, a press of leather encased bone, and then as just as fair he offers his hand over his shoulder, making Squire chuckle and gently squeeze his fingers. </p>
<p>And then, since everyone else was watching, he went ahead and offered Creampuff beside him his hand for a hard shake of the arm, and then Classic... Which let out an ungodly farting sound. </p>
<p>"heh heh old whoopie cushion in the hand trick, its always funny." </p>
<p>Guy stares, flushed with embarrassment as Creampuff chastises him. "Brother really please, people are trying to eat."</p>
<p>"What? Whaaaaat?" He complains looking around the table, a smirk tugging at his teeth. "Its a <em>classic</em>."</p>
<p>Blue looks like he really is trying hard to follow Creampuffs lead and be sternly disproving but couldn't quite hide how badly it looked like he wanted to laugh. </p>
<p>Stretch looked up at the ceiling as if to ask 'why me' before turning to look up the table at Guy. "He tells bad jokes. Sometimes if you ignore him he stops."</p>
<p>Guy had no idea what his face looked like right now but he felt somewhere between horrified and amused as he just nods in response, beyond words. </p>
<p>"So, Guy," Black says bringing his attention back to him. "How long have you known Stretch?" </p>
<p>" Well..." Guy takes a deep breath, and letting it out, touches the keyboard in front of him revealing his lock screen and the time. "ten minutes or so?"</p>
<p>Squire above him chuckled, and he feels thin hard fingers slip into his hair and begin to muss it around against his scalp, petting him. "Then you really aren't his anything are you, hows about you be <em>our</em> friend?"</p>
<p>"Hey!" Protests Stretch while Blue just sighs.</p>
<p>It still really felt like he was just being used as an excuse to fight, and he doesn't exactly know why but being the chew toy really wasn't fun so he anxiously offers "I don't mind being friends with everyone." </p>
<p>It must sound pretty stupid as everyone stops to look at him, Black being the first to respond "Excellent! Here give me your number." </p>
<p>It takes just a few minutes to input his number in everyone's phone, and then finally he's allowed to pack up his things and leave. </p>
<p>Once he's free it feels like something's fallen into place. Which makes him feel oddly better about the odd encounter. </p>
<p>Either something good had just happened or the worst was over. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. It continues like this:</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It continues like this.</p>
<p>"Scared?" The monster at the door asks. Considering his teeth could give the shark from Jaws a run for its money and this sounds like the start to a bad horror movie maybe he should be, but that's probably not why he's asking. He probably meant the way he had never given out his address but here a skeleton he hadn't met before was, at his door.</p>
<p>Guy shakes his head despite the way anxiety is clenching and gnawing at his gut. </p>
<p>The monster looks him over skeptically, red lights burning in his sockets - burning through Guy - before he huffs out a laugh and closes one eye in a wink. </p>
<p>"Good, grab your shit boy-o n'lets go."</p>
<p>The feeling of tension fades from the monster in front of him, but just tightens more inside of him. </p>
<p>"It's Guy." He corrects, turning to grab his wallet and keys. He hesitates over the phone though, knot in his stomach tightening. </p>
<p>"Guy-o then. M'Red." The problem with being a lot anxious and a little psychic is the uncomfortable balance of impressions he got from the many messages on his phone. Impressions that were only strengthened by the new skeleton judging him from the hall. He'd only politely responded to them and now he was in trouble for it. At least.... That's why he assumed Red was here.</p>
<p>"Alright, times up." A hand - unnaturally long thin fingers and no press of palm - grips his upper arm with easy, moving him away from his entry table and through the door.  </p>
<p>Red taps the knob and Guy hears a click and then he's being half led, half pushed down the hall. "You've wasted enough of everyone's time already, n' no offense but I want this over sooner rather than later."</p>
<p>Guy doesn't mind the rudeness, or even the rough handling as they navigate the apartment building's stairwell - the elevator being unavailable since someone on the floor above hand gotten stuck inside for an hour - but he is uncomfortably aware of the hand holding him.</p>
<p>Not because the hand was touching him persay, or because it was the first hand he'd felt not inside a glove making it even more obvious that it was just a skeletal thing. Contact just reinforced the feelings he was getting. He wasn't the first human to be dragged into the middle of this family fight, and even if everyone was going to be polite about it, no one was particularly happy he was here.</p>
<p>Red lets him go in the parking lot, but Guy keeps following until he sees their end destination- a Harley with a side car. The side car was reassuring because he'd never been on a bike but -</p>
<p>Red scoops two helmets out of the, floorboard and his smile turns sharp and smug when he sees the safe distance Guy had kept. "<em>Now</em> you're scared?" </p>
<p>Yes, it was silly, but he was more scared of the human death trap then being kidnapped from his apartment that he had never shared the address of by a stranger.</p>
<p>Maybe he nodded or maybe his face said enough, but Red seemed to appear in his line of sight, popping the helmet on Guy's head and fiddling with the straps. "M'baby brother won't get into my hawg without coaxing either so yer in good company."</p>
<p>Guy watches his face, the tug of his teeth to the side in a smirk, and the focused crinkle of sockets as he fought to loosen the straps. It was a foreign face but Guy tried to memorize it, grounding himself against the ride to come.</p>
<p>The red lights meet his eyes when the tie fastens with a snap of plastic. "If you were riding back saddle, maybe I'd let ya slide off the side but unless ya decided ta climb out on the highway ya ain't going anywhere Guy - I'll even take it slow." </p>
<p>He pats the helmet with too much force but that had been enough reassurance. Enough for Guy to slowly approach the motorcycle like it was actually a large wild pig. </p>
<p>Where Red slung himself heavily over the back of his beast settling with ease,  Guy climbed into the sidecar with all the grace of a newborn deer. </p>
<p>Red doesn't laugh, just fiddles with stars only know what on the handlebars.</p>
<p>There was no seat belt. He didn't know why he had expected one. His fingers grip the sides and as good as his word, Red starts and slowly eases them out of the parking lot. </p>
<p>Guy doesn't pray. That'd be not only believing some omnipotent omniscient omnipresent being would intervene because he asked it, but asking the being to take notice of him specifically, which always seemed like borrowing trouble. What Guy does instead is believe very strongly, with all his focus, that Red knows what he's doing, that they'll make it to their destination safely, that they weren't going to die. </p>
<p>It wasn't the most relaxing thing to concentrate on. He didn't really get to enjoy the ride, and felt nauseous when he was finally able to pry himself out of the side car and onto solid ground. Red was nice enough to catch him as he stumbled, and with one hand on his shoulder and another on his ass, supported him until he felt less like throwing up or falling over. </p>
<p>"Heh reckon ya over did it there pal?" Guy takes another slow deep breath, and then finally lets go of his knees and straightens - his left hand moving to grab Red by the wrist and adjust his hand to Guys waist. </p>
<p>His surprise is more felt than seen but Red takes the hint and wraps himself around Guy, tucking himself under his arm and supporting his sick ass properly. </p>
<p>Half led, half carried, he hardly notices most of the garage besides that its larger then he expects and has several sleek looking vehicles.</p>
<p>The door to the house slams open before they quire reach it and another monster- another skeleton he hasn't met yet - bellows out into the crap echo chamber. "Red, what is taking you so-"</p>
<p>Thankfully as soon as - empty - sockets find the pair of them the volume drops into something stern and suspicious. "What happened?" </p>
<p>"nuthin', s'fine bro, jus' human shit." The sockets only narrow, but the tall moves aside to let the small carry him into an entryway. </p>
<p>"Well if the matter is not serious, I expect you both to take off your shoes - the house was just vacuumed this morning  and I would like at least to make it to dinner before one of you disgusting slobs inevitably spills something back on it!" </p>
<p>Obediently Guy pulls away from Red - who'd been mouthing along with the complaint and takes his newfound freedom to lean against the door frame of the room that held the shoe rack and start mouthing off.</p>
<p>"Well floor me - dinner? Looket you, all grown up and making reasonable expectations." </p>
<p>Guy bends over, gritting his teeth through the feeling of blood coldly shivering in its veins. This wasn't normal car sickness or a result of too much anxiety stressing him out. </p>
<p>He manages to pick up the shoes he slipped off and slide them in a cubby, head rush drowning out the rest of the brother's exchange. </p>
<p>A firm hand grips his shoulder and directs him out of the shoe and coat room. </p>
<p>"Magical exhaustion? Really human? My brother's monstrosity may not be pleasant, but his driving ability hardly warrants such excessive caution." </p>
<p>The living room was huge, but lit only indirectly by the sunlight filtering through the gauzy curtains hung up over the ceiling to floor windows. </p>
<p>"He was very careful." Guy agreed, more focused on his breathing and the relief promised by the couch he was being pushed towards.</p>
<p>Red had vanished but off to the right there were artificial lights and  kitcheny sounds that might explain where he had gone.</p>
<p>"Humpf. Yes well, sit here and recover." He says disapprovingly. "The others will be along shortly to further wear you out." </p>
<p>He marches off towards the kitchen, not like he was angry but seemingly out of habit. </p>
<p>Guy was glad that he was gone, he was loud. Not vocally, though he did seem to have a voice made for projecting, but just in how badly he wanted him to know that he meant no harm despite the bruising grip. </p>
<p>Normally that would be fine, but Red was right. Guy had over done it.  His psychicness was like his anxiety- way more for reading people then actively trying to effect the outcome of things. Bedsides -</p>
<p>Wait what was Red's brother's name? Had he missed it? Guy curls more firmly into the corner of the couch he'd claimed, wishing he could just believe himself fine again. He was getting there though - the cool dim room doing wonders. </p>
<p>Guy stares hard at the kitchen, wondering if he should go ask or if that would only further annoy the tall. </p>
<p>"Heh. something got ya on edge kiddo?" He starts at the low voice, jerking his head to look at the other end of the couch where what he had thought was a stack of pillows resolved itself into a person shape. Bare skeleton feet pressed into the middle seat cushion so the hooded figure could prop himself up against the armrest - a more comfortable position compared to the huddled way Guy sat. </p>
<p>It takes him a dry mouthed minute to respond, no lights shown from under the hood but he guessed the figure was watching him collect his wits. Guessed because for the first time Guy couldn't feel the presence of another person beside him. </p>
<p>"Anxiety." He manages before asking. "May I ask you a rude question?" </p>
<p>The figure laughed, an abrupt bark of laughter. "Yeah sure, go ahead bud." </p>
<p>Guy looks over to the distant beacon of light that was the probable kitchen, and then back to the dark figure on the couch. Even strained as he was there was the feeling of people there, just on the edges of his awareness, a faint prickling that could easily be turned into dread if he thought about it. But in front of him there was nothing and that made him far more uneasy. </p>
<p>"You're uh real right?" </p>
<p>There's a pause, and then a certain quality of weighing words - like that wasn't what Guy had been expected to say out of many possibilities. The feeling itself made him relax faint though  it had been there to be aware of for a brief moment. </p>
<p>"Define real." The mystery monster replied, smug grin unseen, unfelt, but heard. </p>
<p>Guy huffs out a laugh, feeling awkward but also significantly better. If he was losing his mind it was in the usual ways. </p>
<p>"Sorry, I was just - I'm ridiculous." He'd strained himself but not to the point of hallucinating whole people. </p>
<p>Another laugh from the stranger, a practiced sounding chuckle and a left arm detaches itself from the person shape to wiggle too long fingers at Guy. "Hi ridiculous, I'm Classic." </p>
<p>If he was, he wasn't the same one from Mcdonalds. The tiny feel of him was gone but where some people never forgot a face, Guy could always tell people apart. </p>
<p>But if they were twins who liked to mess with people, or just happened to share the same name, Guy remembers the whoopie cushion and gently grasps the boney fingertips, squeezing lightly. </p>
<p>"Buzz kill." Classic Two sighs and removes a small watch shape, waving it at Guy before it and his arms disappeared back into the vague body shadow.  "Who warned you?" </p>
<p>Guy shrugged and shook his head. "The uh, other Classic? had a whoopie cushion." </p>
<p>"Lame." He grumbles and then heaves another sigh. "So magic depletion? Doing something fun? Heard Edge say something about Red giving you a ride wink wonk." </p>
<p>Another brief feeling - he was saying this dead pan, not actually winking the eyes Guy couldn't see. </p>
<p>Guy shrugs again, the conversation helping to distract him from the sick feeling, but also making him more aware of the fact he doesn't just talk to people often. "Too much intent not enough... uh magic." </p>
<p>The hood tilts. "Don't like the word magic? One of them science mage types?" </p>
<p>He's already shaking his head - the 'indistinguishable from advancement' Mathematicians Classic Two was referencing were people who had decided that the idea of Magic was too soft when the real answers lie in biological evolution and yadda yadda yadda. </p>
<p>I mean sure they were progressing the lifestyles of all by researching magitech but just because they could explain why some of them could pull lightning from the sky with formulas didn't make it any less magic. </p>
<p>"No its just - I don't really... do magic? I'm uh just passively receptive. Like. just. a little psychic is all." </p>
<p>There's  a hum from the other side of the couch, and the sound of fingers drumming on fabric. "Psysic huh..." </p>
<p>It sounded stupidly pedantic he knew, but while esp turned out to be just an aspect of being a mage, it was pretty hard to lay claim to anything grander when the most Guy could do is maybe tilt the odds a little in his favor - or out of it when his anxiety got the best of him. </p>
<p>"Whelp kid," He begins, sounding much more casual then he had since Guy arrived. </p>
<p>Unable to help himself he interrupts. "It's Guy, actually? I'm uh pretty long out of stripes or whatever." Not that it probably made a difference to someone who could probably live bordering on forever, but it mattered to him. </p>
<p>There's no hesitation as Classic Two continues, " Guy then. I'm actually Sans, and as it so happens I am also psychic. Lemme see your hand and I'll give ya a palm reading."</p>
<p>He offers his hand, fingers cupped expectantly and Guy goes ahead and extends his own. </p>
<p>"It'll just cost you 5g." </p>
<p>Guy hesitates, not sure if he's joking. </p>
<p>"Did I say five g? I meant 50." </p>
<p>Guys hand pulls back a little in confusion. "Wait what?" </p>
<p>The figure across from him snorts. "You heard me, 500g." </p>
<p>Guy shakes his head, dropping his hand entirely and uncurling from the corner to drop one leg onto the floor as he sits up. "You can't be serious." </p>
<p>The smug tone is back, making a grin twitch across his own incredulous face. "You're right, you're right - too low. This service is definitely worth 5,000g."</p>
<p> He rolls his eyes. "No way Cl - Sans!" </p>
<p>Sans sits up, leaning forward with enviable flexibility. "Yes way - 50,000g is a bargain you just can't pass up."</p>
<p>Guy laughs shaking his head. "I have like 5 human dollars, which isn't even a fraction of a g!"</p>
<p>"What, so you want me to cut you a break?" </p>
<p>For a moment its like all the air cuts off in the room; cold, worse then over stressing himself on the ride here had been. </p>
<p>And then Sans huffs a laugh and wiggles his fingers between them like it was nothing. "Alright fine Guy, I'll give ya a freebie. Special one time only discount." </p>
<p>He swallows hard, anxiety having found all new ridiculous highs at the sudden mood change. But he lifts his hand back up and places it palm up in Sans'. </p>
<p>The spike of cruelness radiating from the monster across from him had left as fast as it had appeared. It was just a joke taken too far, that was all.</p>
<p>The long fingers cup his hand and they sit there a moment, Sans staring at him from his dark and empty seeming hood. </p>
<p>Guy didn't know what he was looking for, and didn't know if he found it when he finally looks down at their hands which was honestly more unnerving and entirely his own fault. </p>
<p>The left skeletal hand pokes at his fleshy one, tracing the line popular media said was the life line back and forth a few times making the hair stand up on the back of his neck. </p>
<p>"Hmmmm, well the universe has handed me the solution to your magic problem." </p>
<p>His own head tilts to look down at their hands, wondering where he was going with this. </p>
<p>Sans left hand spreads inside Guys curled fingers so that hes suddenly holding his hand between his and yanks him forward. </p>
<p>As relaxed as he'd finally been, Guy didn't really have the leverage to resist the surprise attack and can only yelp as Sans' right hand grabs under his extended arm and finishes pulling Guy into his lap.</p>
<p>Guy is released when his face knocks against Sans shoulder, and he quickly uses that hand to push against the seat cushion. While it sinks unhelpfully below his weight, Guy manages to prop himself up enough to look at the face right by his. </p>
<p>There are lights now, well a singular light in the left socket. Its larger than any of the others had been, dark red and large - taking up half the socket. The small black pupil focused on Guy's stunned face, and the glow enough to show just how amused he was. </p>
<p>"How is this a solution?" Guy demands, not quite able to unclench the hand that had balled up in Sans' shirt as a lifeline when he had fallen. </p>
<p>"Napping is always a solution." Sans insisted, his arm sliding around his waist with a heaviness that seemed at odds with the press of bone. "Consider yourself under arrest." </p>
<p>Guy stared at him trying to figure out his game. Was he trying to threaten him? Scare him off with  the threats peppered in with his jokes? Or was he just a unstable dork and Guy should actually be afraid? </p>
<p>No matter how hard he stretched his awareness he got nothing but the vague feeling of an argument going on in the kitchen. </p>
<p>"What, you want a kiss goodnight?" Sans asks finally when Guy has let the moment stretch out too long. </p>
<p>He shakes his head and relaxes his arm, finally convincing his hand to let go of the wrinkled shirt and smooth it out as he settled himself onto the hard boney body. </p>
<p>Sans shifts himself around Guy, one leg bent and propped up against the back of the couch, the other dangling off the edge while his free hand - the left - tucks itself up under his skull. </p>
<p>"Your loss." </p>
<p>Neither of them should be particularly comfortable, but it isn't long before the steady rise and fall of the rib cage below him lulls him into a soft doze. </p>
<p>Every time he almost fades out he jolts, just a bit, until Sans sighs above him. "yanno you should be able to do this in your sleep." </p>
<p>Guy yawns in response. "scared." He mutters, nuzzling his face against the chest that was a lot more comfortable now than it had started. </p>
<p>"Obviously not of me." </p>
<p>Guy huffs but doesn't elaborate. </p>
<p>The family drama, the social interaction, expectations from not just one person but a whole new group of people, possible judgement no matter if he just lets people do what they want or tries to please everyone - which he couldn't, he knew that - it was just a lot.</p>
<p>And while he trusted that his new monster acquaintance would know the best way to handle over taxing himself, it felt like he should be doing something other than sleeping right now. </p>
<p>The body under him shifts and a hand rests at the meaty part of his shoulder. "Could put you out, if you want?" </p>
<p>Guy tilts his neck so he can look at Sans' face. As far as he can tell, he is in fact offering to knock him out with a pressure point. </p>
<p>"No thanks?" </p>
<p>Sans shrugs and the hand moves up a bit to rest his thumb against the base of his throat.</p>
<p>They rest like that, Sans' eyes closing and Guy yawning again and snuggling back down into his shirt, for a while but sleep keeps eluding him making time seem to move sluggishly. </p>
<p>"Mmmm Guy?" His voice his thick with sleep, like he's only staying awake for the social niceness of it.</p>
<p>"Yeah?" He answers softly, feeling guilty and appreciative all at once. </p>
<p>"Would you ever smooch a skeleton?" There's  a teasing lit to the tone, but another burst of awareness tells Guy that the question is in earnest. </p>
<p>He doesn't answer right away, mentally looking over his new acquaintances wondering where this question is coming from - or maybe it was just Sans and that was why they were curled up like this on the couch? </p>
<p>It was hard to tell, not just because his magically amplified anxiety was currently on the fritz. </p>
<p>"I think that depends." He finally answers, opening his eyes to squint across the darkening room. Kissing complicated things - long before he figured out his own feelings for people, they took his passive acceptance or curiosity as interest. </p>
<p>"On?" </p>
<p>"Intent?" It was as much a question as an answer.</p>
<p>The hand on his back starts tap tap taping away, fingers making the slow rhythm of crawling in place as Sans thought. </p>
<p>The hand relaxes again and he shrugs. "M'not good at riddles, s'more of a Papyrus thing."</p>
<p>He hadn't met a Papyrus yet, but based on what he'd seen thus far, that would be the tall to go with this small. </p>
<p>"I'd be curious to kiss a skeleton, because I haven't - or any monster come to think of it - and kissing in and of itself is nice sometimes but..."</p>
<p>"Would ya be this much trouble getting answers if I were actually pulling teeth out of you?" The tone is amused but he hears an edge - real or imagined and sits up, pushing a bent arm against Sans' chest.</p>
<p>"Well if it's frustrating for you, you could ask easier questions!" Guys snaps, not that Sans looks bothered. "These things take time for me - so much that I don't even know the qualifications for what would make me look at someone, skeleton or not and go 'yeah I now have an active desire to swap spit with them.'" </p>
<p>The single light roams his face and  the drumming on his back starts again. "So when you said intent... you meant you don't want anyone pulling the old blue balls routine to get more out of you?" </p>
<p>Guy rolls his eyes. "Or getting their feelings hurt because I don't know how to like them back on whatever level they're on." </p>
<p>Sans tilts his head back and the drumming doesn't stop so Gary rests his chin onto his arm and relaxes again. </p>
<p>While he considered the confusing reality of Guy's demi-romanticism, Guy tried to figure out the motive of his asking. </p>
<p>Most likely to get a kiss, but why? He wasn't particularly attractive physically or in personality, and it had been Sans' idea to cuddle and nap together so he hadn't been leading him on he didn't think.</p>
<p>It probably wasn't the magic thing. He was only minimally psychic, in the sort of hyper sensitivity his anxiety already gave him and Sans was an actual magic monster so not as easily impressed as a nonmagic human. </p>
<p>So it probably was not actually about him...  </p>
<p>The family drama, the tension that had escalated uncomfortably when Squire had clung to him, and the smugness of Red when he had answered his door. </p>
<p>They were all.... using him to get one over on....</p>
<p>Guy's face crinkles because while it sort of fit, it didn't make sense. "What'd Stretch do to you?" </p>
<p>Sans snorts, hand stilling. "I mean, it'd be funny to see what he'd do if he came home and found his new friend making out with me, but m'not Black, I don't play those games." He says tilting his head forward so his pupil can meet Guy's eyes. "I like the long hunt, less effort."</p>
<p>Guy's face scrunches even more. "I thought you didn't like riddles." He complains. </p>
<p>"heh don't like solving them - never said i wasn't a hypocrite." </p>
<p>Guy sighs and looks back towards the kitchen. It had been a while, but there was still people inside. </p>
<p>"Well even if you're not playing whatever all this is about, it seems a whole lot like I'm being used as a chew toy so everyone else can have something to fight over." Its actually nice to say the thing he's scared of out loud, and its weird how quickly he felt he could trust Sans with that. "I'd rather just get along with everybody or go home."</p>
<p>The hand on Guys neck moved to his face, turning him back towards Sans. "Guess that means you don't want to be the main course at dinner?" </p>
<p>"I mean, obviously?" </p>
<p>Sans' grin gets wider. "Gimme a kiss an' I'll make it so you'll only get polite attention for the rest of the night." </p>
<p>Guy frowns. Could things get any more confusing? "Why?" </p>
<p>"Cause I'm curious about kissing you, and kissing is nice." He replies lightly, letting go of his face, too patently innocent despite throwing his words back at him. </p>
<p>Guy rolls his eyes  but moves to sit up, Sans not doing anything to help but sitting up properly himself in anticipation. </p>
<p>He started at Sans for a long moment, no helpful burst of insight forthcoming to explain why he was just smiling back in half challenge half amusement. </p>
<p>But even without his sixth sense, Guy knew Sans would hold up his end of the deal at least, and wouldn't hold it against him if he chickened out in a bid to make things less complicated for himself. </p>
<p>Awkwardly he puts his arms around Sans neck, deciding to just get it over with and go for it, But just as Guy starts to lean in, Sans pushes forward. </p>
<p>Smooching a skeleton, it turns out, isn't that much different from smooching a human. </p>
<p>After the first few seconds he remembers what he's doing, and what the few people he'd kissed seemed to like, and as he relaxes the feeling of his lips moving against Sans is actually nice, tingley, and pleasant the way kissing was supposed to be. </p>
<p>And then Sans bit him. </p>
<p>In an extremely stupid bit of blind panic he jerks his face back, luckily Sans lets his bottom lip slid loose from his teeth and one hand immediately goes to press against the wound and the other flys out to smack Sans' shoulder. </p>
<p>He doesn't even rock with the hit. "Heh you're pretty bad at that Guy."</p>
<p>That stung a bit, but honestly he was more concerned with his bruised- thankfully not bleeding - lip. "That's no reason to bite me!" </p>
<p>Ignoring him and leaning forward into Guy's personal space he continues in a tone that was supposed  to be attractive, and a wink that should have been playful. "Maybe I should give you lessons sometime." </p>
<p>Guy glares and smacks him again to the same little effect. "Not if you're going to bite me again!" </p>
<p>He turns, untucking his knees so he can stand. There's got to be a bathroom around here some where.</p>
<p>"If your goal is to trick me into liking you, you're going about it wrong." He grumbles, still dabbing at his lower lip. </p>
<p>"How would you know?" Comes the teasing rejoinder and Guy turns to snap at him.... but he's already gone.</p>
<p>Looking around the darkened room didn't reveal him and Guy shook his head and sucked his lip into his mouth. Asshole. </p>
<p>Now that he was gone doubt creeped in - no way someone like that would keep his word. Dinner would just be more trouble now. </p>
<p>Not that he had intended staying this long in the first place but obviously he didn't have much of a choice until everyone felt like they'd had a fair turn jerking his chain... </p>
<p>After an angry moment he sighs, throbbing lip hurting a little less now. Okay that wasn't fair.  He didn't know what was going on exactly but most of them seemed unhappy about it. </p>
<p>He pops his head into the kitchen, and it looks like an absolute nightmare of dishes and pots and plates and mess that it feels crowded despite being fairly grand in size and only two chefs. </p>
<p>"Human!" Barks one of them - the one he'd met. "What are you doing up? I specifically told you to rest!" </p>
<p>Red's brother doesn't stop what he's doing, just turning so he's whisking aggressively at Guy from across the room.</p>
<p>"I was hoping I could use your restroom?" </p>
<p>Closer is the tall who's half bent over the counter, chopping vegetables from close range, and impressive speed. </p>
<p>He doesn't look up from his work but warbles out in a friendly manner "Second door, clean washcloths under the sink."</p>
<p>Guy blinks and thanks him, waving at the other before heading down the hall. </p>
<p>The door was open, and the light switch exactly where he expected it. Its not the bright light that stuns him though, but the size of the bathroom. </p>
<p>The tub looked like something from a Jacuzzi commercial, the separate shower had a lounge seat carved out of the wall, and there were four sinks etched out of the marble. </p>
<p>It was the most luxurious bathroom he'd ever been in. </p>
<p>Guy shakes his head and shuts the door. Investigating under the first sink yields a stack of soft clean washcloths as promised, and he restrains himself from going to see what was under the other three. </p>
<p>His lip isn't split - just bruised as it had felt, and he wets the washcloth and rests it against his mouth, hoping it will draw the cool the color out if it. </p>
<p>He doesn't feel as sick. Eating would probably set him right, but honestly if Red hadn't driven him here he would have probably just gone ahead and snuck out. </p>
<p>He doesn't know why Stretch would get jealous when they didn't know each other or why it felt like some of them would see it as a challenge and want to kiss him too, but honestly the prospect was tiring just to think about. </p>
<p>Guy had already explained this once but maybe if he just explained clearly at dinner that it could take him years to figure out if he was ever going to like any of them so whatever game they were playing with one another, they needed another 'prize'. </p>
<p>It wasn't that he minded the attention exactly. The texts he'd been getting from the six he met first had been more social interaction then he normally got and they all seemed like interesting people. It just felt like this was a lot of trouble over someone who really wasn't that interesting.  </p>
<p>They had to have tons of friends right? With as outgoing and polite they all were. Even if Sans was an asshole he obviously knew how to hit all the right buttons on someone - Guy just was more like one of those games with loot boxes. </p>
<p>Never knew what he was going to get - him and Forest Gump. </p>
<p>His lip seemed a bit better when he checked on it, and he could probably wave it off as having bit himself of anyone did notice it... If Sans didn't decided to do the exact opposite of what he promised. </p>
<p>He drops the washcloth in a hamper that already had a few used towels inside, and heads back into the living room. </p>
<p>The lights were on, revealing several more couches then the one Guy had spent his time on, a few recliners, and one of those middle of the room fireplaces. The other side of it had one of those medieval looking grand dining tables - which after doing a mental tally of the people he'd met so far seemed appropriate and explained why.... Red's brother and the other tall had been cooking for so long. </p>
<p>How long had it been? He'd left his phone behind and didn't see any clocks so there was no telling how long his not nap had lasted and he didn't remember the time he'd  been kidnapped anyways.  </p>
<p>A person pops out of the kitchen, one of the smalls he'd already met Blue? who today was wearing a pastel tie dye shirt today to go with the jean cut off shorts and the blue gloves he had been wearing at Mcdonalds. </p>
<p>His feet like Sans' were bare, which made him feel better about his own naked feet - though sweats and a tank probably was too casual for dinner and -</p>
<p>"Hey, um Blue? May I help set the table?"</p>
<p>He jolts, rattling the stack of plates and silverware worrisomely, and this time the ruefully surety that people don't usually have the opportunity sneak up on him doesn't grate inside Guy like slimy cheese. </p>
<p>"Oh hum - Guy! I didn't know you had already arrived. My brother just left to fetch you." </p>
<p>Guy follows him over to the table, and takes a plate off the stack, mirroring what he did with the silverware across the table from him. </p>
<p>"Yeah surprised me too, I think Red wanted to show off his motorcycle but it sort of backfired." </p>
<p>Blues eyes, matching his name flick up from his work. "Oh?" </p>
<p>"Yeah well, bedder luck next time." Red says with a yawn, shuffling in. He's no longer wearing the well worn leather coat and pants, instead he's in ACDC pajamas that you'd find at Walmart and some kid monster feet slippers that helped Guy feel less out of place in this grand house. </p>
<p>Blue stops setting his side of the table to put his hands on his hips and level a hard stare at Red who just sleeply pulls out a chair and flops into it. Not wanting to be part of the trouble, Guy just kept putting out plates and silverware to slowly distance himself from the fight. </p>
<p>"Red, don't tell me you came home and napped all day." Blue scolds. </p>
<p>Red's response doesn't sound all too impressed. "Okay I won't."</p>
<p>Blue tutts and grabs another plate, radiating disapproval so strongly Guy could probably have tasted it without being a little psychic or a lot anxious, but Red only chuckles.</p>
<p>"Aw come on Blue, don't get your panties in a twist." Blue makes an indignant noise but Red just keep talking in the same easy tone. "Guy here filled me up with so much stay safe vibes I just had to go play in traffic."</p>
<p>Guys head jerks up from where he'd been carefully straightening a fork, his worried expression meeting Reds patently amused one. Guy narrows his eyes. "You didn't." </p>
<p>Reds sharkteeth only smirk wider. "Might have, you don't know." </p>
<p>Blue sighs, sounding utterly put upon. "Well I guess actively suicidal is a step in the right direction." He says sarcastically. </p>
<p>"Hey!" Red protests. </p>
<p>Guy ducks his head back down to the next table setting, trying very hard to pretend he didn't exist. </p>
<p>Blue points the fork he's holding down at Red. "Look mister, maybe you think your self deprecating jokes are funny but I'm not going to encourage your forking negativity!" </p>
<p>It's quiet, and despite himself he's looked up, watching the two glare at one enough before Red finally looks away with a huff that might be a laugh. </p>
<p>"Forking?" </p>
<p>Blue smiles just a bit, despite an obvious bid to keep his stern expression. "Yes, well."</p>
<p>Red rolls his eyes and settles back into his chair sliding down a bit. "Not very knife of you." He comments, obviously teasing. </p>
<p>Guy lets out the breath he was holding, and works on finishing his side. </p>
<p>"I wasn't trying to be nice, I was hoping to get my <em>point</em> across." Blue bounces back easily, firm tone ruined by the way he emphasized the pun.</p>
<p>Red opens his mouth for his comeback but its a voice from across the room that replies with a grumble. </p>
<p>"Silence is golden, ducktape is silver." </p>
<p>It's Stretch, looking put out, but it didn't feel like it was about the puns. Whatever had him in a mood put the other two off the tenuous lighthearted bantering they'd managed, so Blue and Guy finish in silence as Stretch's naked feet softly scritch across the room to the dinning portion. </p>
<p>"Thank you Guy, for your help. What would you like to drink? We have-" </p>
<p>"Water is fine, thank you." Guy quickly cuts him off. Blue was so polite to him, but he really didn't like him - Guy didn't want to make that worse. </p>
<p>Stretch reached him just as Blue headed towards the kitchen. "You forgot your phone." He says, offering the device. </p>
<p>Guy reaches for it but Stretch doesn't let it go. "Okay?" He asks softly and Guy nods, not looking up from their hands holding the same phone. </p>
<p>The encouraging smile is felt anyways, and his phone is released back into his care. He slips it away without looking at it. </p>
<p>The chair at the head of the table, the king's seat Guy supposes, the one he's standing by is suddenly full, Classic - the original - having appeared during the prisoner exchange. </p>
<p>Guy squints at him, but he only squints back more ridiculously and Guy moves to walk around the other side of the table. "Where..." </p>
<p>He trails off but Stretch pauses in pulling out his own chair to look across the set table and points to a hopefully less random chair then it seems. </p>
<p>Guy sits, more to be out of the way and more and more people start arriving for dinner. </p>
<p>They all arrive from the garage entrance, but he doesn't think many of them used cars, and they all have bare feet. Maybe bone doesn't sweat. </p>
<p>First came Squire and Black, both wearing suits. Despite being ahead of Black, Squire waits by his chair for Black to sit before sliding into his seat. </p>
<p>"Who's cooking?" Demands Black. Between the suit and his attitude it almost feels like he's sitting at the head of the table instead of the center. </p>
<p>"Edge and Papyrus." Offers Stretch sliding in his seat lower. Squire, directly across from him also slides lower and everyone else seems to be ignoring it. </p>
<p>"Should be good then." Red says around a yawn. His heads pillowed in his arms and honestly Guy had thought he'd already fallen asleep, but his eyes are just barely slittled open. </p>
<p>"Ha!" Black snaps out an incredulous laugh. "It will be a nightmare of courses. I should have known with all the forks out." </p>
<p>He looks disgusted, glaring down at his place setting as if it offended him. </p>
<p>Blue comes out of the kitchen, carrying a platter waitress-style with a dangerous amount of cups on it. He passes them out with a practiced motion that was at odds with the concentration on his face, narrowly missing a small that as he suddenly appeared with a human man. Creampuff apears less spectacularly, with ground eating strides that take him around the table just in time to snatch the tray up. </p>
<p>"Sans that was very rude!" Creampuff scolds, finishing passing out the saved drinks. "You know the rules -  everyone comes through the door." </p>
<p>Blue has a hand to his chest and takes a moment to collect himself, resting a supportive hand on the table. </p>
<p>"Sorry 'puff, got excited cause i brought take home out." </p>
<p>Blue recovered with a final dramatic sigh. "You really shouldn't call him that." </p>
<p>Insight came strongly from the otherwise absent monster, and Sans opened his mouth to say something uglier than the blank look on his face suggested, but Classic snorted drawing both of their eye lights. "Why not? don't you think he looks good enough to eat?" </p>
<p>Blue rolled his eyes and the human man, who was only a little bit taller than Sans, made a token effort to escape the arm around his waist."I can make this meal a 'to go' if you guys are going to make this weird." </p>
<p>"Weird?" Repeated Stretch a lazy tone that meant 'who us?' at the same time Squire repeated "Weird" with sudden pricked interest.</p>
<p>The to slumped talls exchange glances and then look wickedly back at the new human. "We're in." They say, also in unison.  </p>
<p> </p>
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